Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Karunanidhi’s grandson Udhayanidhi Stalin has delivered a Sakkada Panni (dirty pig) of a movie in his maiden production Kuruvi.

Vijay and bathroom video fame starlet Trisha assisted by Ashish Vidyarthi and Suman come together in this horrendous nightmare called Kuruvi to deliver nonstop nonsense from the first frame to the last.

Kuruvi has much going against it - the story is not remotely credible, music is intolerable, the acting is unbearable, action scenes unendurable and overall the movie is just insufferable.

Kuruvi’s story - if you dare call this garbage a story - is an act of breathtaking inanity.

A venal politician Konda Reddy (Ashish Vidyarthi) has found diamonds beneath government land in Cuddapah and seeks to exploit that for personal gain with a bunch of poor laborers that he has forced into virtual slavery and beats and kills brutally with an ugly posse of henchmen led by a cartoon called Cuddapah Raja who stubs his cigarettes on the palms of young boys.

Hello, will someone please tell Kuruvi’s director Dharani that this is the 21st century. Involuntary servitude and slavery in movies are so 20th centuryish and went out of fashion decades ago. Che, che.

Konda Reddy’s partner in crime is his friend Kocha (Suman), an Indian gangster based in Malaysia and the elder brother of a young girl Devi (Trisha), who is not keen on getting married to a comical mini-thug called Suri with a chronic inability to shoot straight.

And Vijay is Vel, son of a contractor Singamuthu (Manivannan), who is one of the many men that the villain Konda Reddy has kept under his unyielding yoke in a quarry.

Tamil movie directors - and presumably fans too - do not consider a film complete without either Vivek or Vadivelu to provide some cheap, vulgar laughs.  So you have Vivek in Kuruvi, playing Vijay’s sidekick. But Vivek fails to provide much joy or even those cheap laughs in Kuruvi because much of the dialogs here are so bizarrely banal.

Dharani, who directed Vijay’s successful 2004 film Ghilli, is the architect of the badly-made Kuruvi.

Kuruvi is such an idiotic movie that in one scene toward the end when Vijay is in the midst of fighting Konda Reddy’s goons, director Dharani suddenly introduces a song-dance scene of Vijay-Trisha. And what is worse - Mozha Mozhannu is one of the worst song-dance scenes we have seen in recent memory with the music pathetic and the dance disgusting.

In Kuruvi, there are just no limits to director Dharani’s nonsense, be it in the music, story, dialog, stunts or dances.

Besides directing Kuruvi, Dharani also takes credit for the story and screenplay. Thank God, Dharani didn’t also act. Guess, we’ve to be thankful for small mercies in Tamil movies these days.

In another boring and repetetive feature in Vijay’s movies, he is again introduced as a sportsman in Kuruvi too (In Ghilli, Vijay was a Kabbadi player, in Azhagiya Tamil Magan, an athlete and in Kuruvi, a car race driver driving a jalopy!).

Kuruvi is Vijay’s second lousy movie in the last six months - his last movie Azhagiya Tamil Magan should have been more aptly titled Asingamana Tamil Magan. His latest movie Kuruvi should more appropriately be called K*&thi.

Both Vijay and Trisha do a mediocre job in Kuruvi. While expectations from Trisha are always extremely low, Vijay sinks to a new low in Kuruvi. If you thought Vijay was bad in Azhagiya Tamil Magan, he’s worse in Kuruvi. Whether in fight scenes or the song-dance scenes, Vijay displays none of that fire and verve in Kuruvi that he so nicely brought to the screen in Pokiri.

As for that non-actress and gangrenous appendix on the body of Kollywood a.k.a. Trisha, we can only say that whoever unleashed this bimbo on the big screen must have a wholesale sadistic temperament. Why torture in retail when you can easily torture millions in wholesale by just casting Trisha in a movie?

Devoid of any grace, wholly lacking in acting skills and missing a pretty face, how this bathroom video fame horror show Trisha manages to survive in Kollywood is a mystery known only to Muruga.

While Trisha is bad in virtually every Kuruvi frame she appears in, she sets a new low with her awful performance in the Then, Then song-dance sequence. You can daub all the lipstick and makeup on a pig but at the end of the day it is still a pig. Right?

Whoever designed Trisha’s hideous costumes must have previously worked only with quadrupeds (four-legged creatures) in a circus because the actress looks terrible in most of the dresses she wears in Kuruvi.

Cast as screaming neanderthals lording over a bunch of clownish, criminal underlings, Ashish Vidyarthi and Suman utterly fail to terrify but totally succeed in irritating the audience with their crude overacting.

Like the rest of this piece of garbage, Kuruvi’s music is devoid of any merit. While none of the songs are impressive, Dandaana Darna (in the beginnning) and Mozha Mozhannu (toward the end of this nightmare) are plain horrible because of their terrible picturization.

And the action scenes in Kuruvi - disgustingly bad! The picture of a small-built Vijay simultaneously fighting a bunch of better-built, better-equipped goons is not for weak eyes. When Vel takes on Cuddapah Raja toward the end of Kuruvi, the fight scene hits a new nadir in the annals of Tamil movies.

Some parts of Kuruvi were filmed in Malayasia but it may have well been filmed in a public toilet for all the good it did.

With their bad trifecta of unimaginative stories, mediocre acting and lousy music, most Tamil films are caught in a time warp that is extremely frustrating for movie fans.

All in all, Kuruvi is an egregious offense against all notions of taste, decency and entertainment.

If you plan on missing just one Tamil movie this year, this worthless piece of crap called Kuruvi is the movie to avoid at all costs.

P.S: Paying $13 for a ticket to watch Kuruvi at that stinking Movie City theater on Oak Tree Road in Edison (New Jersey) is a total ripoff. Why can’t Tamil movie exhibitors in the U.S. screen movies in better theaters, say Regal or AMC, like the Bollywood distributors/exhibitors?