Kadavale Kapathu (God, please save us).

Surely, never in the history of crap movies oops cop movies has there been as disgusting a film as Satyam.

Compared to other recent Tamil cop movies like Kakkha Kakkha (Surya, Jyothika), Vettaiyadu Villaydadu (Kamal Haasan, Jyothika) or Pokiri (Vijay as the undercover cop, Asin), Satyam is a pathetic piece of shit.

An odiously horrible movie, Satyam is an ugly herpes sore on Kollywood’s dirty backside.

Vishal  Reddy, the so called puratchithalapathi, has thrown in a how not to act grotesque performance in Satyam that should make him the butt of ridicule of all serious fans of Tamil cinema.

This podi paya (kid) Vishal was not so awful in some of his previous movies like Thimiru and Sandakozhi but in Satyam he’s just so pathetic.

Mouthing platitudes when he’s not executing ridiculous fight scenes (Stunt Siva), Vishal casts a pitiful portrait for much of this movie.

Unlike Surya, Kamal Haasan or even Vijay, Vishal lacks the screen presence or the talent for the challenging role of a determined and upright police officer. The result is that the sick-pack (no typo) Vishal looks silly for much of the movie, a fact made worse by the horrible screenplay and effete dialogs.

Playing Vishal’s love interest, Nayantara is worse than her usual incompetent self in Satyam. In more than one scene, Nayantara’s facial expressions led us to wonder whether this vacuous bozo had Down’s Syndrome. Well, to spend any time cataloging the inadequacies of this bimbo would be a waste of bandwidth.

Bringing in a bunch of kids with their contrived antics is an irrelevant sideshow that greatly adds to the Irritating Quotient of the movie.

The Satyam story is a disjointed piece of crap.

Vishal is Satyam, the eponymous Assistant Commissioner of Police of this garbage, fighting someone or the other for much of the movie. Arrayed against him in this righteous battle are the usual corrupt politicians.

Unlike in Kakkha Kakkha, the story and roles are poorly developed in Satyam. No surprise since Kakkha Kakkha director Gautam is any day a better director than the mastermind of the Satyam disaster A.Rajasekhar.

Cast as the politician aspiring to be a Chief Minister, Kota Srinivasa Rao screams like a hyena for much of the time with an over-the-top performance.

The stunt/action scenes in Satyam, whether in the ice factory or on the highway, are a bleak reminder that chimps continue to dominate the stunt business in Tamil movies.

It’s hard to believe that a talented actress like Shreya Reddy (of Thimiru and Veyyil fame) is associated with a piece of shit like Satyam. She is the co-producer of this garbage a.k.a. Satyam.

Besides Vishal and Nayantara, the other blithering idiot responsible for the Satyam mess is A.Rajasekhar, who claims credit for the story, screenplay and direction. If anything, Satyam is marked by lack of all three elements - story, screenplay and direction.

Music is of a piece with the rest of this movie - mediocre.

With its awful picturization, the Ada Gada Gada…Dona Hey Dona song inflicts the maximum damage on the eyeballs and the eardrums.

The final moments of Satyam with a head tonsured Vishal ranting and raving on the stage like a lunatic were unendurable torture. What would we have given for a remote control with a mute button to shut out the maniacal noise emanating from the screen.

If Satyam proves anything at all, it’s that a bunch of retards can come together and make a Tamil movie.

P.S: Unless you have time and money to waste (2hrs 50 min, $11), skip this garbage a.k.a. Satyam. There were just six people for the 5:15PM show of Satyam (the very first show of the movie) at the crappy Movie City theatre on Oak Tree Road in Edison, New Jersey.