OK folks, fasten your seat-belts now.

For we are back with the latest installment of your favorite series Incredible India.

A short while ago we were reading a piece on Indian women renting their wombs to rich Westerners and sometimes rich Easterners (Japanese).

That set us thinking of the many different techniques poor Indians resort to for sheer survival in a barbarous land where Naxalites are the sole pressure-point on a callous kakistocracy:

* Poor Indians sell their pussies

It’s no secret that 99.999% of Indian sex workers come from the poorest of the poor. Be it Chennai, Kamatipura (Mumbai), Delhi or Bangalore it’s the poor girls who end up as prostitutes. And with the HIV explosion in India, these young girls are also dying in the thousands, unmourned, unsung and unnoticed.

* Poor Indians sell their kidneys

One of the commonest and oldest survival techniques of the urban poor is to sell a kidney. Of course, in Incredible India it’s not uncommon for the poor to have their kidneys stolen from them. Poor people wake up with a bandage and a pain in the groin. But that’s a completely different story.

* Poor Indians sell their wombs

Middle-class, educated Indians sell their programming services while the low-class,

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We’ve never been great fans of Indian IT giant Wipro’s Chairman Azim Premji.

But tonight, as we slowly sip our White Russian into a stupor the old man Premji is our hero.

Really.

In a blistering attack penned in an Indian newspaper, Premji belatedly questions in rhetorical style the wisdom of a poor country like India hosting the upcoming commonwealth games:

The term ‘commonwealth’ originally meant public welfare, things that are for the greater good of society. Do the Commonwealth Games pass this commonwealth test? Is this Rs 28,000-crore drain on public funds for the greater common good?….

(G)iven the thousands of crores being spent on the Delhi Commonwealth Games, we need to ask if this is money spent wisely.

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Of course, where there are Indians there’s bound to be something weird lurking in the background.

Isn’t that why we call the country Incredible India.

Sui Generis Exports
When it comes to exports, you can’t beat Indians.

You see, India has always been very aggressive and at the front of the line.

No matter, if India’s unique brand of exports don’t show up in the balance of trade numbers, which is forever in the negative.

Just look at India’s non pareil exports over the last couple of centuries.

First, in the pre-Independence era India exported Coolies to South Africa, West Indies and other far flung corners of the Empire.

Post independence, India exported its manpower to the U.S. and U.K..

Then came the Gulf boom in the 1970s when to prove that you were really from the South Indian state of Kerala meant a passport with Visa stamps from Saudi Arabia or Oman and a Panasonic two-in-1 blaring in the background.

In the late 1990s and early years of the 20th century, India’s principal exports were software Coolies to the U.S., U.K., Germany doing the crappy low-end coding tasks.

New Export
Now comes news that India has once again found something unique to export.

This time around, India’s hot new export from its hospitals is the Superbug.

Experts say the Superbug is highly resistant to antibiotics, which means if you catch an infection containing the Superbug bacteria you could be in serious trouble.

Only in Incredible India.

Folks, only in Incredible India can a 60-year-old buffoon who cannot speak Hindi or English (the two official languages of the country and of Parliament) and to boot a first-time Member of Parliament, become a Central Cabinet Minister.

Yes, we’re talking of the buffoon M.K.Azhagiri a.k.a M.K.Alagiri, India’s Union Minister for Chemicals and Fertilizers.

How does this dodo even conduct official business or communicate with his underlings.

With such leaders, it’s no wonder that no one in the international arena takes India seriously.

The BBC rightly put out a piece recently with the provocative headline: India cabinet minister breaks his parliamentary silence:

An Indian cabinet minister – unable to speak English or Hindi – has for the first time managed to answer a question in parliament.

Chemicals and Fertilisers Minister MK Alagiri’s first words were: “Question number 161. A statement A to E is laid on the table of the house.”

The MP for the Madurai seat in India’s southern Tamil Nadu state gave a prepared answer in faltering English.

Fame or Infamy?
This clown Azhagiri owes his claim to fame to two reasons:

* First, he happens to be the son of M.K.Karunanidhi, Chief Minister of the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu and leader of the DMK party.

* Second, the bozo Azhagiri’s supporters attacked the office of Tamil newspaper Dinakaran (run by Sun Network) on May 9, 2007 in Madurai causing the death of three people. The owners of Sun Network/Dinakaran are Azhagiri’s relatives.

Here’s what a report in the Indian newspaper DNA said in May 2007 on the violent attack on Dinakaran’s office:

The Sun Network, which runs the Dinakaran daily, on Wednesday accused M K Azhagiri, elder son of Tamil Nadu Chief Minister M Karunanidhi, as being the main culprit behind the attack on the offices of its paper here.

The Chief Operating Officer of the network R M Ramesh told reporters here that ‘Azhagiri has been named the main accused in the complaint given by the company to police.’

Recently, an Indian court acquitted some of the key accused in the case of the violent attack on Dinakaran’s office:

The Principal District and Sessions Court here had acquitted all the accused, including V.P. Pandi alias ‘Attack’ Pandi, M. Murugan alias ‘Sori’ Murugan, P. Thirumurugan alias ‘Kaattuvasi’ Murugan on the ground that the prosecution had failed to prove the case beyond all reasonable doubt. DSP V. Rajaram was also acquitted of charges of failure to perform his duty.

Nobody Cares in Tamil Nadu
Does anyone care in Tamil Nadu?

Of course not.

The people in the state are for the most part idiots whose only preoccupation is the fart of some music composer, the upcoming film of a bald grandfather Shivaji Rao Gaekwad (a.k.a Rajinikanth) from the neighboring state of Karnataka and the big tits of a plump North Indian starlet.

People get the government and leaders they deserve.

Hey, what was that noise?

Ah, that must be the family members of the three dead people (in the Dinakaran attack) singing the dirge Mera Bharat Mahaan.

Related Stories:
Sun Network accuses Azhagiri as being main culprit in Dinakaran attack
Mayhem in Madurai
3 killed as newspaper office is set on fire
CBI files appeal in ‘Dinakaran’ attack case
India cabinet minister breaks his parliamentary silence

(For SI blog reader Racer44)

As we’ve said time and again, everything in India is different.

Be it the notion of honor, treatment of women, matters of love, poverty, child labor or corruption, in all of these and more India is sui generis. Mostly for the worse.

Hell, even a simple English word encounter has a completely different – and murderous – meaning in India.

Wait, we forgot to tell you about India’s Hospitals, the decrepit government hospitals that is.

As anyone the least bit familiar with India’s government hospitals knows, these buildings are straight out of Josef Mengele’s grotesquerie.

A visit to these inglorious mortuaries is worse than passage through the Hades.

Patients sleeping on the floor, dogs eating newborns (no, we’re not kidding), absent doctors, insistent demands for bribes, use of expired medicines and non-functioning equipment are all par for the course in India’s government hospitals, the sole hope for the country’s poor.

* Now comes disturbing news from India that the government-run Umaid Hospital in Jodhpur in the north Indian state of Rajasthan is infecting poor children with the deadly AIDS-causing HIV virus and Hepatitis by giving them infected blood.

When the incidents first came to light last year, the Umaid Hospital authorities quickly denied their culpability and passed the buck to others. The same hospital even got a ‘clean chit’ in an official report a few months back (Source: Hindu).

Hey, what’s new. In Incredible India, the unclean invariably get a clean chit.

Sick f*cks.

Where?

Of course, in Incredible India.

After the end of the Nazi era, where else would all the Sick f*cks of the world congregate, schmuck.

Haven’t we said that ad nauseum, ad infinitum?

We can’t open the Indian newspapers these days without reading of another sick, blood-chilling account of a ‘honor killing.’

Folks, we’ve told you a million times.

Robespierre’s minions and the reign of terror are in perpetual play in the benighted country India.

* In the latest instance of dishonor killing, a 20-year-old girl Megala in Tamil Nadu lost the light of her life Sivakumar for daring to elope with him against her family’s wishes. In retaliation against her elopement, her father and brother among others are alleged to have killed Sivakumar.

* A few weeks earlier (on June 14, 2010), a Delhi girl and her lover met a gruesome end at the alleged hands of her relatives for daring to fall in love. Asha Saini and Yogesh Kumar were allegedly electrocuted to death by family members.