A few years back, one of our friends from Chennai got us a bunch of DVDs including one featuring three Rajnikanth films Thillu Mullu, Ranga and Moondru Mugam.

For some reason, the DVD wouldn’t play in our Panasonic home-theater.

So we kept it aside and completely forgot about it until we recently got an Acer Revo PC.

At a loose end this morning, we hooked up the Acer Revo PC to our Samsung HDTV via the HDMI port and then hooked up an external Asus DVD player to the Revo PC.

We then popped the Rajnikanth DVD into the Asus DVD player and, voila, it worked.

Alas, unfortunately it worked.

Total Nonsense
What a misfortune, what a horrid trial the sordid movie turned out to be.

* A film like Moondru Mugam can only be made in a land bereft of all aesthetic sense. A nation, where art and fart are synonyms.

* A film like Moondru Mugam can only be watched and reviewed after we’re fortified with a quadruple dose of gin in our system as we currently are.

* A film like Moondru Mugam can only receive high accolades in a benighted country like India (Rajni got the Tamil Nadu government award for this garbage) where movie-goers are for the most part still two rungs below Homo Sapiens in the evolution ladder.

From the opening scene when Arun (Rajnikanth #1)  dressed in a saint’s saffron robe descends the steps of the aircraft to the final moments after the weird fights on the ship, Moondru Mugam is a movie that screams its amateur status to the world in one unendurable frame after another.

Oh, we forgot. Rajnikanth has a triple role in the movie. Each one vying to be more unimpressive, more irritating than the other.

Bizarrely Asinine Story
The story, if you schmucks insist on the summary, is of twins separated at birth, one Arun growing up in a rich family, recently returned from the U.S. after 10 years of studies there and the other an ex-jailbird Johnny (Rajnikanth #2) living with his poor aunt Mary and given to boozing and petty crimes.

Karthi, the younger son of the Jillu Jillu, Gullu Gullu tail-less monkey Sivakumar, may be a decent actor but box office returns from his movies are not so decent.

We found Karthi’s latest movie Naan Mahaan Alla, which opened last Thursday in the U.S., to be a watchable flick but Tamil film audiences have not exactly stormed the box office. The U.K. box office, that is.

Naan Mahaan Alla brought in a meager £17,508 in the opening weekend at the U.K. box office and notched up an average gross of £2,918 after debuting in six theaters.

As you can see in the below table, Karthi’s previous film Paiyaa released in the same number of theaters but did better.

Here’s how Naan Mahaan Alla fared compared to a few other prominent Tamil films

I have never taken drugs in my life.
- Tamil film star Trisha Krishnan

Source: Times of India

Never too late, sweetie.

What’s life without a few highs!

How dare this bastard Suseenthiran do this to us.

Dai badava *#$%&@, unnae vandhu paathukuraen da (we’re gonna fix you real bad).

What the f*ck is wrong with Suseenthiran, director of the new Tamil film Naan Mahaan Alla?

Here’s our diatribe vis-a-vis this bastard:

* Did no one tell this bastard that Tamil movies ought to be unwatchable horror shows?

* Did no one tell this bastard that none of the actors in a Tamil movie ought to show even a spark of acting talent?

* Did no one tell this bastard that he ought to have picked Aishwarya Rai, Vijay, Ajith, Abhishek Bachchan, Vikram or Surya and then a la that heart-attacked, over-rated, super-flopped buffoon Mani Ratnam delivered a piece of shit?

* Did no one tell this bastard that Tamil films ought to look downright bizarre with vulgar song/dance sequences from Iceland, Machu Picchu, Malaysia and Mexico and crude comedy featuring Vadivelu or Vivek?

* Did no one tell this bastard with no Godfathers in Kollywood that he ought to have stayed back in his village near Palani and grazed cows?

How dare Suseenthiran flout all the basic rules of Tamil filmdom and deliver a decent movie.

The effrontery!

Somebody, get us our .357 Magnum. We’re gonna shoot this bastard, right now.

Suseenthiran, what a sweet bastard!

SI is deeply amused at the outpouring of loving comments (on non-SI sites like Orkut) and the multiple attempted hacks of this fine blog following the Boom Boom Lava Da Review.

Here’s a sample of the love coming our way via Orkut:

* I cant Bear This [bold in the original]. Someone please do something .. please do something… I would have killed them if I had got a hand on them… Asish Endhiran! on Orkut

* Just ignore those retards – ameen Boom boom on Orkut

* That blog belongs to a son of mischance…Tell him to go and ………. himself.. Prasad on Orkut

* OMG ,, I will smash my PC in anger !!!!

i broke one pen in my hand reading these comments !!

I will kill them !!!!! – Asish Endhiran ! on Orkut

[Hey Asish: When you land at JFK on your H1B a.k.a. Coolie Visa and the immigration agents from ICE deport you, please don't blame us. BTW, if you are really serious about killing us, stand in line because there are many others ahead of you]

* don worry abt those idiots………Rahman did wat needed for this huge film……it ll reach heights wen the film releases….still then we ll listen to the masterpieces – Santosh on Orkut

* Utter bad words ll cum outta ma mouth if ppl say they didn lik dis album…
RAHMANji ROX lik HELL!!!!!! – Kяιѕн !yeя~ on Orkut

* Pls ignore it.. all he is craving for is attention .. and lets not give him
Am fine if they say de music is not good or something like dat… but this guy is insulting which is not great lets not give him visits and make him earn more – John~wat to on Orkut

* That blog is a stinker. Those guys always spew venom in all their reviews. Check their previous reviews for any film, you will know. They are best ignored. – Senthil on Orkut

*Uh….. i have never seen such a thrashing review – ▬╡ﾑ尺ﾌんu刀╞▬ on Orkut

* They have the patience to reply back to each person who comments on that review, just to make sure they arent embarassed.

A worser than trash site. – Venkat on Orkut

* Ignore Search India music reviews – this is their practice from long time – get hits by negative reviews – Hema & Deepak on Orkut

Source: Orkut (registration required)

May the force be with y’all. No, we (don’t) feel your pain.

Ponga da, sodha koodhingu (drink a soda)

Emmathitanga
Ayyo, Emmathitanga
(they’ve cheated us,
God, they’ve cheated us).

A BIG disappointment.

A.R.Rahman and Shankar have taken Tamil music fans for a ride with the Endhiran album.

Endhiran’s music is nowhere in the class of Rahman’s Slumdog Millionaire or his earlier work in Roja, Bombay, Kadhalan, Dil Se et al.

Not even in the Sivaji class, we tell ya.

None of the songs linger in the mind.

If you’re looking for melody, you’ll have better luck with the echo of your singing under the shower.

Question for Y’all Schmucks
Since we listened to the Endhiran album, a doubt, a big doubt is nagging us, gnawing at our very soul.

Say, if music director A.R.Rahman farts, do folks in Tamil Nadu still consider it music?

Help us out with the above question, please. We beseech you.

It boggles the mind that just a couple of years back this Rahman fella was the toast of the Oscar and Grammy crowd.

Oh, what a fall!

Endhiran on iTunes
The songs of the Rajinikanth-Aishwarya Rai starrer Endhiran have made it to iTunes this morning.

A short while ago, we purchased the Endhiran album for $2.99.

Instead of releasing it as a music album on iTunes, the Think Music folks have launched it as an application on Apple’s iTunes App Store.

Does this mean we can’t play the tracks on our PC?

The swines.

Seven Tracks
The Endhiran album on iTunes has seven tracks:

* Pudhiya Manidha (6.10 min) – A slow number, sounds as if the track is being sung by the robot.

S.P.Balasubramaniam, A.R.Rahman and Khatija Rahman have sung this number, perhaps the best of the worst.

Given the Endhira Endhira refrain, is this track the title number?

Sample of the lyrics:

Pudhiya Manidha
Boomikku Vaa

Eggai vaarthu
Silicon serthu
Vayarutti uyirutti
Hard diskil ninaivutti
…..
Endhira
Endhira

* Kadhal Anukkal (5.44 min) -  A lifeless, boring track helmed by Vijay Prakash and Shreya Ghoshal.

No, the music didn’t strike a chord with us. Not one bit.

Just felt like hurling our new iPhone 4 at the wall in frustration.

Sample of the lyrics:

Kaadhal annukal
Udambil ethannai?
Neutron electron
un Neela kannil motham ethanai?
Unnai ninaithal
Thisukkal thorum aasai sinthanai
Haiyyo…

* Irumbile Oru Idhaiyam (5.14 m)  – Plain Rubbish.

Ayyo, ayyo, yet another sub-mediocre track courtesy of A.R.Rahman and Kash n Krissy.

Sample of the lyrics:

You want to seal my kiss
Boy you can’t touch this
Everybody..Hypnotic Hypnotic…
Super Sonic..
Super Star can’t can’t can’t get this

Irumbile oru irudhaiyam mulaikkudho
……
iRobo un Kadhil
I love you sollatta?

* Boom Boom Robot da (4.27 min) – Noise.

And more noise.

This Robot da number made us so angry we refer to it privately here as the Boom Boom Lava da Boom Boom Lava da song.

Hey, when did yelling become synonymous with music. Will someone please enlighten us.

Yogi B, Kirthi Sagathia, Swetha are the singers.

Sample of the lyrics:

Boom Boom Robot da Robo da Roba da
Zoom Zoom Robot da Robo da Roba da

Isaac Asimovin
Velaiyo robo

Isaac Newtonin
Leelaiyo robo

Albert Einstein
Mulaiyo robo

He robo yo robo…..

* Arima Arima (5.18 min) Yet another forgettable track, begins with trumpets.

The singers are Hariharan and Sadhana Sargam.

And what’s with the howling of Endhira, Endhira toward the end. Awful

Sample of the lyrics:

Ivan perai sonnathan
Perumai sonnathum
Kadalum kadalum kai thattum
…..
Arima Arima – nano
Ayiram arima – unpol
…..
Endhira…! Endhira…!

* Kilimanjaro (5.30 min) Seriously, is this from an Oscar/Grammy award winner.

A most unimpressive track that has a tribal dance feel to it.

Javed Ali and Chinmayi are the singers.

Sample of the lyrics:

Kilimanjaro – malai
Kanimanjaro – kanna
Kuzhimanjaro
Yaro yaro
…..
Mohanjadaro – unnil Nozhanjadaro

* Chitti Dance Showcase (2.43 min)- Just cacophony with Pradeep Vijay, Pravin Mani, Yogi B. at the helm.

Disappointing Album
Is the Endhiran album the stuff of legend?

No, No, No

Folks, the Endhiran album is a ripoff.

Don’t waste your time or money on this noxious gas expulsion from A.R.Rahman.

Show the Endhiran album your middle finger but make sure you hold your nose for the stench is unbearable.